Sunday, May 30, 2010

Bourbon Legend Jeremiah Weed Demands Public Apology From Landis

Floyd Landis recently made a public attempt, as best as he could, to expose Lance Armstrong as a steroid user. Whether we believe Lance is innocent or not, well, that doesn't really matter much.

What DOES matter is that the one name truly sullied in this whole mess is finally cleared: bourbon. That's right, folks; the only victim in this spandex-wearing-dude-said/other-spandex-wearing-dude-said mess is the sweet, brown nectar of every weekday morning, once upon a time blamed by Landis for his "false positive."

As such, Jeremiah Weed, purveyor of fine brown liquids, wants a public apology from Floyd:

"In light of Mr. Landis' recent admission that the cause of his positive test was indeed a result of his use of performance-enhancing drugs, I believe he owes the world of whiskey a formal apology for his careless defamation of our passion," says Weed. "Jeremiah Weed is a brand built on Southern Hospitality and good, clean fun. I said it then and I'll say it now -- Weed does not cause a false positive."

Obvious contradictory wordplay aside, Weed is right: bourbon doesn't cause a false positive and, frankly, if anyone really cared about Floyd as a role model (or if any bourbon drinkers actually used bicycles), this could have resulted in some serious issues for whiskey makers around the world.

So, professional athletes, please remember that unless your last name is Daly or you make a living taking left-hand turns, leave the hooch out of it.

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